“I Am 35 And Living At Home With My Parents”

Our very first letter, from J:

I’m a 35-year old single mom who had to move in with my parents. Their love and support is wonderful and I am so grateful for sure… But sometimes THEY DRIVE ME CRAZY BECAUSE I AM 35 AND LIVING AT HOME WITH MY PARENTS.

Help.

Xo,
J

Dear J,

It sounds to us like you need a coming-of-age story. And not just any coming-of-age story, but a grown up one. See, the coming-of-age genre is one of our favourites, but we’ve realized that there is a dearth of these types of stories about adults; most of them centre around teens, or people in their early twenties, because that’s when we tend to think of people as “growing up”. But honestly, do we actually do all of our growing up at once, at only one specific time or age? Or do we do it slowly, in fits and starts, over the entire course of our lives?

We here at Literopathy believe that it’s the latter.

For this reason, our prescription for you is to read Fannie Flagg’s 1987 gem, Fried Green Tomatoes at the Whistle Stop Cafe. We think that watching Evelyn’s transformation from miserable, lonely wife to empowered fighter who wants to challenge societal norms will inspire you. We hope that Idgie, Ruth and Evelyn’s stories will help you realize that people can change and grow into their lives at any age. We’re sure that the idea that a person can be use friendship and stories to help them find themselves and break free from the things that are holding them back will resonate with you. And, finally, we believe that the theme of the importance of family, and, through our families, our connections to the past, will help ease the frustration you feel about living with your parents.

Plus, the book is also chock-full of amazing recipes. So if you ever need to take a break from reading, you can try your hand at cooking.

Another great read along the same vein is Flagg’s Welcome To The World, Baby Girl!, which is about a successful woman who suffers a breakdown and has to move back to her home town and start her life over. If you find that Fried Green Tomatoes at the Whistle Stop Cafe does not alleviate your symptoms, we recommend following it up with a dose of Welcome To The World, Baby Girl! 

We hope that you enjoy this book, and look forward to hearing back from you once you’ve completed your course of treatment. Literopathy can be administered at any time of day, though we do find that it’s most effective when done just before bedtime.

We would also love to hear any other suggested literopathy treatments from our readers. Think there’s another book that would suit this patient much better than the ones we’ve recommended? Please let us know in the comments!

Fried

“You know, a heart can be broken, but it keeps on beating, just the same.” – Fannie Flagg, Fried Green Tomatoes at the Whistle Stop Cafe

 

Literopathy

lit·er·op·a·thy

/litərˈäpəTHē/

A system for the treatment of mental, emotional or physical anguish by doses of literature, be it in the form of prose, poetry, or theatrical plays.

You tell us what’s wrong.
We’ll tell you what to read.
You’ll feel better. Or at least smarter.

Send us problems at submit@literopathy.com or Literopathy on Facebook – it’s cheaper than therapy and much more fun.

5891034723_b36ee13c8b_z

What Would Atticus Do?

Sometimes you don’t want to write to us with your problems, even anonymously. Sometimes you just want some unsolicited advice, or a great role model, or a general guide to living. Don’t worry. We get it. Which is why we’ve put together this handy list of Atticus-isms.

Because, really, the world would be a better place if more people stopped and wondered, “What would Atticus Finch do?”

I wanted you to see what real courage is, instead of getting the idea that courage is a man with a gun in his hand. It’s when you know you’re licked before you begin, but you begin anyway and see it through no matter what.

Right? I mean, right?

They’re certainly entitled to think that, and they’re entitled to full respect for their opinions … but before I can live with other folks I’ve got to live with myself. The one thing that doesn’t abide by majority rule is a person’s conscience.

I wish I could hire Atticus to moderate, like, the entire internet.

The one place where a man ought to get a square deal is in a courtroom, be he any color of the rainbow, but people have a way of carrying their resentments right into a jury box. As you grow older, you’ll see white men cheat black men every day of your life, but let me tell you something and don’t you forget it—whenever a white man does that to a black man, no matter who he is, how rich he is, or how fine a family he comes from, that white man is trash.

Oh, no big deal, that was just Atticus explaining white privilege is all.

You just hold your head high and keep those fists down. No matter what anybody says to you, don’t you let ’em get your goat. Try fightin’ with your head for a change.

I do kind of love how scrappy Scout was, though. She’d fight anyone.

It’s never an insult to be called what somebody thinks is a bad name. It just shows you how poor that person is, it doesn’t hurt you.

I need a little Atticus to sit on my shoulder and whisper stuff like this to me whenever people are being assholes. Imagine a teeny-tiny Gregory Peck in a three-piece suit, just hanging out, maybe sometimes braiding my hair and telling me secrets. The best.

We know all men are not created equal in the sense some people would have us believe- some people are smarter than others, some people have more opportunity because they’re born with it, some men make more money than others, some ladies make better cakes than others- some people are born gifted beyond the normal scope of men.

But there is one way in this country in which all men are created equal- there is one human institution that makes a pauper the equal of a Rockefeller, the stupid man the equal of an Einstein, and the ignorant man the equal of any college president. That institution, gentlemen, is a court.

This  quote is just chock-full of facts. Some ladies DO make better cakes than others. That’s a fact. Some people ARE born with more opportunity. That’s a fact. And yes, people do often misuse the phrase all men are created equal, and that’s a super annoying fact.

I have a crush on Atticus. That is yet another fact.

Also, immagine if this was how our court system actually operated.

This time we aren’t fighting the Yankees, we’re fighting our friends. But remember this, no matter how bitter things get, they’re still our friends and this is still our home.

I feel like someone needs to read this to me every time I get into an argument on Facebook. Because they’re still my friends, and Facebook is still a social network that I like to frequent.

Jem, see if you can stand in Bob Ewell’s shoes a minute. I destroyed his last shred of credibility at that trial, if he had any to begin with. The man had to have some kind of comeback, his kind always does. So if spitting in my face and threatening me saved Mayella Ewell one extra beating, that’s something I’ll gladly take. He had to take it out on somebody and I’d rather it be me than that houseful of children out there. You understand?

Atticus advocates turning the other cheek. Of course. He’s basically like Jesus, only white and with a southern accent.

Atticus had said it was the polite thing to talk to people about what they were interested in, not about what you were interested in.

This is good advice for pretty much everyone.

Bad language is a stage all children go through, and it dies with time when they learn they’re not attracting attention with it.

Ignore children who cuss. Check.

Oh, and speaking of child-rearing tips, here’s another one:

When a child asks you something, answer him, for goodness sake. But don’t make a production of it. Children are children, but they can spot an evasion faster than adults, and evasion simply muddles ’em.

So, you mean, don’t make up ridiculous stories when your kid asks you where babies come from?

If this thing’s hushed up it’ll be a simple denial to Jem of the way I’ve tried to raise him. Sometimes I think I’m a total failure as a parent, but I’m all they’ve got. Before Jem looks at anyone else he looks at me, and I’ve tried to live so I can look squarely back at him … if I connived at something like this, frankly I couldn’t meet his eye, and the day I can’t do that I’ll know I’ve lost him. I don’t want to lose him and Scout, because they’re all I’ve got.

Oh, and walk your talk, lead from the front, etc., if you want your kids to respect you. That is some fucking solid advice.

And finally, something to keep in mind when fighting the good fight starts to feel overwhelming:

Simply because we were licked a hundred years before we started is no reason for us not to try to win.

Here’s one last quote, this time from Miss Maudie because frig, she is just about as great as Atticus.

Sometimes the Bible in the hand of one man is worse than a whisky bottle in the hand of (another)… There are just some kind of men who – who’re so busy worrying about the next world they’ve never learned to live in this one, and you can look down the street and see the results.

Seriously, though:

216bdd0ef3f542e4e307f77d8d7dede0

 

That’s my new mantra.